Recently, I was invited by a bank to speak to their middle-level managers on the art of managing difficult and high-stakes conversations. It turned out to be a very engaging and much-needed intervention. The participants had many questions, particularly around handling the challenging realities they face at work.
The banking sector is a high-pressure environment currently grappling with a range of complex issues—heavy workloads, seemingly impossible targets, rapid technological changes, artificial intelligence, aggressive customers, high staff turnover (commonly referred to as the “Japa syndrome”), and economic downturns. There’s also a high degree of interdependency due to team-based work. These factors create fertile ground for difficult and emotionally charged conversations. The potential for escalation is ever-present.
Master Yourself First
One core idea I shared—and which strongly resonated with the participants—was this:
To master difficult conversations, you must first master yourself.
You may not be able to control all the variables that make a conversation difficult, but there is one variable you can control: YOU.
And you cannot manage yourself unless you know yourself.
What you are unaware of, you cannot control. What you do not bring up from the unconscious to the conscious mind, you cannot change.
Knowing and managing yourself is the key to achieving emotional mastery, regardless of how the conversation unfolds. You stand a much better chance of navigating difficult conversations constructively if you stay calm. Remember:
The person who remains calm controls the conversation.
So, How Well Do You Know Yourself?
Ask yourself:
-
What are my emotional triggers and automatic reactions?
-
What are my stressors at work? What gets to me the most?
-
What is my communication and conflict management style?
-
Am I passive, aggressive, or assertive in communication?
-
What is my personality type? What are my natural inclinations?
-
What biases and stereotypes do I hold about people?
Your personality type reflects how you are naturally wired. It includes your preferences for processing information and interpreting the world—people, events, and circumstances. Your assumptions, beliefs, and biases often fuel the fire of difficult conversations.
Self-Awareness Leads to Self-Mastery
The more self-aware you are, the better your chances of mastering yourself—and, by extension, the conversation. Emotional control prevents escalation during high-tension moments.
Strong emotions can hijack your ability to think clearly. They narrow your attention, making it difficult to see the bigger picture. They push your brain into categorical (all-or-nothing) thinking, reducing your ability to evaluate options or see nuance. This is what’s known as an amygdala hijack—when your emotional brain takes over and shuts down logical reasoning.
In short:
Never let your emotions override you in difficult conversations.
Strong emotions make you vulnerable to irrational speech and action. Regulating your emotional responses helps maintain constructive, respectful dialogue. It helps you stay grounded.
In Closing…
What strategies help you regulate your emotions during high-stakes moments?
I’ll be back to share some of mine.
